Give Yourself Grace

Hiiiiiiii!!! I was going to journal tonight but felt compelled to write a blog post. There is so much power in being vulnerable in the moment of hardship and struggle. This is something I am working on because sometimes I feel as though I wait to long to share how I feel and suppress whatever feelings I'm scared to admit. Anyways, long time no post - I hope you beautiful humans are doing well and if not, the sun will rise again tomorrow!

Coming back to school has been so good for me after taking last semester off. I have continued to learn and grow and have fun with the people I love. With that being said, I have been feeling a bit down and little funky lately and I think a lot of people can relate to this nearing this point of the year. My field hockey season just ended, finals are coming up, and I am not treating myself with the same kindness and love that I show to others.

Sometimes you need to learn that you do not need to explain yourself to people and you don't need to understand the reason behind everything that you are feeling. Sometimes we just feel like shit. Sometimes we have days when we wake up and feel like we can't get out of bed. Sometimes we just need a good cry. Sometimes we just need to be. "You are a human being, not a human doing".

Lately I have been feeling lots of ups and downs. Whether I am comparing myself to other people, struggling with my anxiety and eating, or just feeling meh -- each day brings a unique set of struggles. With that being said, each day also brings so potential with the ability to find so much joy in the mundane. Something I have to remind myself often is that even though life brings so many struggles, you are much stronger than them. Life is not about "getting rid" of your problems, rather it is learning to cope with them in order to make your own world a better place.

Own Who You Are

Owning who you are is such a beautiful thing. It is something I have thought, spoken, and written about many times before but not always something I am able to do. Especially in college, it can be so easy to fall into the trap of comparison and worrying about what everyone else is thinking of you. And yet, I keep coming back to the same realization: stop trying to understand what other people are thinking of you and start valuing your own perception of yourself.

Healing Is Not Linear

Anxiety is something that I believe everyone struggles with in one way or another. Recently mine has felt really out of my control. I really do believe that the first stage of healing is acknowledgment. Healing is not linear. Sometimes this scares me, sometimes it makes me hopeful. I feel as though I have been battling my mental health struggles for a while now but sometimes I try to hard to fight it. The thing that many of us don't realize is that not only is healing a rollercoaster, but it is also something that takes hard work.

Do What Is Best For You

When I came back to school I wanted to pretend like nothing happened. I tried to suppress my struggles in hopes of forgetting about them. The truth is, this is impossible. I need to focus on what is best for me and continue to put in the work in order to stay afloat. On a night like tonight, I really struggle with concept of spending too much time with my thoughts. With field hockey ending, I have a lot more free time and am trying to figure out a routine that best suits me and my mental health. Even when living with other people, it is so important to stay true to yourself even when the trap of comparison feels inevitable. So tonight, rather than sitting with my thoughts and making myself spiral, I went to my safe space, lit a candle, put on a movie, and am just writing my heart out because that brings so much joy to me even if it doesn't make sense to other people.

Finding Outlets

In order to continue to stay on track with my healing journey, it is crucial for me to come back to my outlets - the things in our lives that make us genuinely happy and get us out of our heads. For me this is journaling, podcasting, writing, doing little girlie self-care things, calling my mom, and spending time with friends. I encourage you to reflect on what gives you passion and purpose in life. I used to think it was about how you look, what you wear, how good your grades are, how you perform on the field, and how others perceive you. And although I still struggle with these more often than I want to admit, I know that there is so much more to life than making yourself miserable on the inside in hopes of achieving unrealistic standards to the outside world.

I don't want to miss out of anymore life. I don't just want to survive, I want to thrive. You truly can't hate yourself into a person you love.

Everyone struggles with something, be kind.

XO,

Mo