The Pressure of the Present

I've been having a tough time recently and naturally when this happens I tend to isolate and fall into bad habits that don't serve me in the life I am working to create for myself. Maybe its just that time in the semester that I need a break or maybe I am just struggling a little extra right now with my mental health. Regardless, I am going to be okay. And you will be too.

We live in a society that focuses on so many of the wrong things and can lead us to burn out and worry to much about our appearance.

I get upset with myself. Mary, why are you struggling again? You just started to feel better. You have a beautiful house living, you live with your best friends, you play the sport you love, you are receiving an amazing education, and you have such an incredible support system. What's wrong?

The thing that I have realized I am struggling with is not turning inwards and being truly authentic to me. I have been so consumed with what other people are thinking of me and how I am being perceived by the world. But this is no way to live. This is the epitome of living for other people.

As my 21st birthday is coming up this weekend, I am feeling a lot of mixed emotions. There is this unsaid pressure of making the most out of everyday of our lives and cherishing the big moments and sometimes this pressure can feel like too much to handle.

Rather than putting this pressure on myself, I am going to focus on what makes me authentically happy. This starts with cherishing the little things.

If I have learned anything in the past few years, its that healing is not linear and that I am the only person who is going to make me truly happy. If I am not filling my own cup, how am I going to fill others?

Last night I called my dad on the phone filled with anxiety. I felt paralyzed in my own brain and did not know how to escape my toxic thoughts. He reminded me that I need to focus on my purpose which for me can be hard to stay focused on amidst college culture.

I am very easy influenced and can have a really hard time being intentional about living a happy and healthy lifestyle for myself when I am constantly on the go in college.

I am trying so hard to take advice from people who were once in my position -- cherish these days, you are only in college once, stay present, you aren't going to get these days back!

No, I am not going to get these days back and yes, I am trying my best to cherish these days but college is really hard for me. I don't always feel like I fit in and I struggle to take care of myself despite how hard I try.

That's when I come back to, focus on the things that make YOU happy.

"If it makes you happy it doesn't have to make sense to other people"

Allow yourself to acknowledge the pressure of living in the present because sometimes the present moment can feel really hard. All we can do is wake up and put one foot in front of the other. You are the person who knows yourself back, so turn inwards and make decisions that serve you. It doesn't matter what other people think of you -- the people who want to be along with you for your journey will stay. With that being said, you are the only person you spend the most time with. How can you make your head and heart feel at peace?

If you need to take a mental health and self care day, take it -- tomorrow is a new day to try again. If you don't have that luxury, what's one thing you can do for yourself today to get you through?

Despite Pinterest quotes and motivational speakers, I don't agree that everyday is going to be a great day. Bad days are part of life, don't fight it rather embrace them because they make the good days even better. Don't put so much pressure on yourself that everyday is going to be amazing. You and I are human.

Feel you feels, let them go. You can do this. One foot in front of the other.

XO, Mo