Wednesday journal

Good morning! Happy Wednesday!

Let me preface this by saying that I left my journal in my room and am currently cuddling with my puppy and don't have the heart or energy to go upstairs and get my journal so I am going to make my journal routine into a blog post.

As a human being, mornings can be so hard. Getting out of your cozy bed with a busy schedule ahead can feel so daunting. Sometimes what we look forward to is getting right back in bed and going to sleep. As someone who struggles with really bad anxiety, it can be so hard to see the good with all of the racing thoughts in my mind.

Therefore, we must create a morning we look forward to. Something that we get excited about. This isn't easy. It takes a whole lot of practice and intention and is such a personal experience. Not every morning looks the same but there are a few simple things I really try to implement into my daily living to make life more exciting.

My morning cup of coffee excites me a little bit more than it should...Anyways I am really trying to break the habit of scrolling first thing in the morning. Isn't it funny how bad habits are so hard to break and good habits are so hard to keep. I digress. One of my most favorite internet inspirations, Free to be Fi, implements the 5 minute journal right when she wakes up which I am also trying to do.

Waking up each morning with your first intentional thought being gratitude starts your day in such an incredible way.

Here are the 3 things I am grateful for this morning:

1. My fluffy comforter

2. The flowers on my desk

3. My passion project, writing this now!!!

& way ways I will make today great:

1. Meditate for 5 minutes

2. Create a lovely environment to do homework in (candle, open window, calm music, sitting at my desk)

3. Bundle and get some fresh air

Now for my devotional, I pull one quote from each of my daily readings and focus on them throughout the day:

Jesus Calling: "Trust and thankfulness will get you safely through this day"

Journey to the Heart: "Learning to love ourselves, when it looked and felt as if no one did. Learning to express our creativity, express our emotions, and experience joy. Each one has been a lesson of love"

A now I thought dump: I have really been waking up and working on choosing joy, intentionally choosing joy. So much of my life I need to have a reason why. I try too hard to understand why everything is happening and why I feel so deeply. I am really trying to shift my thoughts to accepting life as it comes and trusting that everything truly does happen for a reason. My body woke me up so early this morning, 3:54am to be exact. Something about me is that when I wake up in the night no matter what time it is, my brain turns on and I have the hardest time falling back asleep. I laid in bed annoyed with myself, trying so hard to quiet my mind. I did a meditation, I read, I prayed but I was awake and I was anxious. More time awake means more time with my thoughts and that can feel overwhelming sometimes! I knew puppy snuggles and coffee would make me feel better and I was right. The one thing I can really trust in making me feel better is focusing on what I am passionate about without trying to find the deeper meaning about it.

So this morning I chose to pour into my passion project: writing, reading, and exploring Pinterest for positive inspiration. I love to share how I feel, not too sure why, but its what makes me, Mary!!!

In therapy the other day I talked about how I struggle so much with comparison, and so much of the time it’s to the most superficial aspects of life that don't align with my values. For some reason I feel so different than most people, especially most people my age. I am such an old soul. I love to go to bed early, read, write, talk, be outside, go to church, study Psychology, and just live a simple life. I question this aspect of myself too much with a desire to be a "cool girl" because in my mind thats what I should be striving to be.

NEWS FLASH!!!! Thats just not who I am. And there is nothing wrong with that. I am cool because I care so much and I am working so hard to be fearlessly authentic. It's a never ending journey that I am thrilled to be experiencing even when there are days that I just don't understand anything or feel super lonely. And don't get me wrong if you fall under my perception of this "cool girl aesthetic" naturally, you do you!!! Let's all just be whoever we uniquely are!!!

We seriously need to stop idolizing a certain life...thinking that if you act, look, or live a certain way then you will be happy. Geez, I sure know I do. Happiness is found in the littlest things. Through seeing God in everyone you encounter. For me, that's God but maybe for you, its just seeing the good in others.

Okay moral of the story, OWN WHO YOU ARE. I am not my perception of a "cool girl" and thats so okay. Something I am working on accepting. I am a cool girl because I am me and that's all that matters.

xoxo,

Mo