Hi Again

Me telling myself that I was going to write a blog post every Sunday of the summer. Me now, 3 months later, sitting on a train to Paris reflecting on my growth.

I could have forced myself to write a blog post each week. But that wouldn’t have been authentic. So here we are now! Hi everyone! Since the last time I wrote to you I have been experiencing my first summer home from college. A summer of learning, a summer of adjustment, and recently a fun summer of adventures.

I decided to change my account @livingwmary to @maryerojack. Some of my people have questioned me and I haven’t had the words to articulate myself so I am going to try and do that now.

I am changing the algorithm of livingwmary naturally because it is what feels right. I decided I don’t want to have an alter ego. I want the content that I produce and the things that I post to be from me, Mary.

Although it doesn’t sound like a big deal to many this simple switch means a lot to me. It signifies so much more — I have finally become comfortable with who I am. I have really gotten to know myself.

I wonder if this has happened now that I am home and spend more time in a smaller circle, more time with myself. I have less influence from other people leading me to believe I have to be a certain way. However, it is still super easy to fall into this trap on social media.

Sometimes I felt and can still feel like I “need” to produce certain things and hold this image I have created for myself. It is the toxic idea of “should” that so many of us subconsciously suffer with. I feel like I “should” post articulate and thoughtful captions with each picture I post. I feel like I should post at certain times, create enough posts, or live up to a certain aesthetic. But what I have come to realize is that by being me I can post whatever I want whenever I want. Whoever wants to follow me can and whoever wants to unfollow me can. People who wants to judge can. LET THEM!!!

In this one life I have been gifted I am seeking the most unapologetic and authentic version of myself I can be. I am simply trying my best to do the next right thing, remind myself that everything happens for a reason, and live a simple happy life.

Literally over packing my suitcase for my trip to France was a metaphor of my mind. I was so consumed with all the voices of my head going in so many directions. I was constantly thinking about what is to come rather than focusing on the present. I felt as though I had to portray some image for myself. I was too worried about what I was wearing or how others perceived me.

At the end of the day I wore the clothes that made me feel the most comfortable and confident. I wore the clothes that were me and all the other ones stayed in my bag.

I apply this mindset to life. If I worry so much about trying to alter the way others pervice me I am never going to feel happy or satisfied. When you decide to be truly happy, other people don’t have access to tearing you down. If people judge you. If people make rude comments to you. If people intentionally make you feel insecure, let them but don’t let it get to you. Don’t change for them. Stay true to you.

I hope you enjoyed my mind dump :) Going to leave you with some wisdom from the chapter of my book I read on the train. Chapter 15, The Path of Unconditional Happiness — in a book I believe everyone should read multiple times, “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer.

“The purpose of life is to enjoy and learn from your experiences. You were not put on Earth to suffer. You’re not helping anybody by being miserable. Regardless of your philosophical beliefs, the fact remains that you were born and you are going to die. During the time in between, you get to choose whether or not you want to enjoy the experience. Events don’t determine whether or not you’re going to be happy. They’re just events. You determine whether or not you’re going to be happy. You can just be happy to be alive.”

More thoughts to come...ily