College Culture

Hi my beautiful people! Writing to you on a sunny but cold and windy Tuesday morning at school :) Since my last blog post when I was traveling back to school, I have really been dedicated to making the most of each day. I had a lot of anxiety to come back after feeling so comfortable at home but I am really trying to challenge my anxiety and slow down.

College culture is something I really struggle with. In all honesty, I just don't think that college is my scene and I have come to learn that my experience with college is a journey and I am only really beginning. With that being said, I have already learned so much about myself over the past six months. In the beginning of the year, I let college take control over me. I felt as though I had to party every weekend in order to have fun. Everyone always tells me that college is the best four years of your life, so why do I feel so lost?

I had a lot less anxiety in the first semester because I play field hockey which is a fall sport. I never had to explain why I didn't want to go out or drink because I was not allowed to in season, besides Saturday nights. Anddd on Saturdays we had games so I was usually exhausted and just went to bed and that was that. When I was able to go out again is when I really started to struggle and my anxiety began to feel paralyzing. I used to look forward to the weekend and all of the sudden I began to dread them. I felt so scared to open up to my friends because I was so worried they would think I was weird - NEWS FLASH - they love me to pieces regardless. I do acknowledge that I really tried to change who I was to fit in with the party scene and college culture. It got to a point that I needed to be vulnerable with not only my friends but also myself and start doing things to protect my inner peace.

The truth is that everyone is struggling in some way even if they don't express it. Personally, I do not find joy in the party scene which is something that can make me feel really alone at times. Sometimes, I wish I could change the way I feel about going out, but then I remind myself that I simply have to do whatever makes me happy, REGARDLESS OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. For the first semester and into the second semester I let college culture convince me that I was living my life wrong which honestly made me feel like a sh*t person. But I have come to realize that if I want to be in bed by 10pm, get my sleep, read, journal, workout, relax, go to the farmer's market, get myself a coffee, spend time alone...then that is so cool and awesome. By being authentic, I am being my best self.

With all of this being said, there is a fine line between me feeling this way and judging other people. College is meant to be fun!!! Life is meant to be fun!!! If you are reading this and have no problem going out, I admit that I envy you. Regardless of what brings you true happiness and fills your cup, don't let anyone lead you to believe you are living your life wrong. Literally just do what feels good for you.

I am learning to find the balance between staying in and going out. I struggle with social anxiety and sometimes I need to push myself to get out of my comfort zone and do something with my friends even when I am not feeling my best. Remember, at the root of your decisions are your intentions. If your intention to not go out is because you are scared of what other people may think of you then challenge that inner voice and go out. But if your intention to not go out is because you what will make you truly happy is staying in and going to bed early then LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.

The people who truly love you in your life want you to do whatever is best for you. If someone judges you, let them be -- they are insecure. No matter who you are, what you look like, what stage of life you are in NEVER let anyone or anything convince you to believe that you are living your life wrong when you are doing what makes you truly happy :) It all comes in waves - what makes you feel good today may feel different tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. Regardless, don't let the fear of the future stop you from doing what feels the best for you in the present moment.

#collegeculture #college #collegelife #intention

Be fearlessly authentic

With love XO,

Mo